His Mate: Family letters
by CSMichaelis
Summary: When Sebastian notices Ciel working at his desk,his curiosity gets the best of him and he decides to ask about the activity. A Michaelis family story Title subject to change
1. Chapter 1

Sebastian stood in the doorway to Ciel's study, his eyes fixed on his mate with curiosity as the younger demon sat at his desk, surrounded by papers and envelopes. six medium keepsake boxes were stacked on the floor beside him as he continued to write, pausing now and then before continuing.

The older demon wandered in quietly.

"Are you terribly busy, my love?" He asked softly, craning his neck in an attempt to get a better look at Ciel's work.

"Kind of." Ciel replied without looking up.

"I see. Can I ask what exactly you're doing there?"

"I'm writing." Sebastian nodded.

"Yes, I can see that, I suppose I shall rephrase my question then. What, my dearest one, are you writing and for that matter, what is all this?" He gestured to the envelopes which he now saw were addressed to the Michaelis children.

"I'm writing letters to our children, I plan to give them each a keepsake box with the letters inside when they're old enough to go out on their own."

"I see. I'm not quite sure I understand, but I suppose-" Ciel finished his sentence, putting his pen down to look at his mate.

"One day, Sebastian, our babies will be grown and they'll have questions." Ciel explained. "Some of those questions will be difficult for me to answer. These letters are my way of offering them the truth."

"About what, Ciel?"

"Everything. Stories about myself when I was a young child, my family, their firsts...everything I can possibly tell them."

"Forgive me, I know I'm asking a lot, but please explain why it suddenly-"

"It's not sudden, Sebastian. I've been writing these letters since I was pregnant with Evian, you just haven't seen them. I've kept them in the closet in our room so they'll be safe."

"That's quite a lot of writing. what made you decide to do this?" Ciel sighed.

"I don't know really. I just..picked up a pen one day and I had a lot to say. Things I knew Evian would be curious about and some of my own thoughts on what was happening at the time. I feel like it's important for them, maybe they'll learn something from these that can get them through some of the things we had to go through if they decide to bond with someone one day. I love you, Sebastian and I don't regret bonding with you, but it was very stressful trying to learn everything and adjust to being a mate...it took time and if I can make it just a little easier for them, as their mother it's my job to do that."Sebastian reached out, taking his hand and kneeling beside him, Ciel turned to face him.

"I couldn't have chosen a better mother for our children. That is a wonderful idea, and I know the little ones will appreciate that you took the time to give them a bit of yourself through these pages. I'm sure it will give them a better understanding of how deep your love for them truly is."

"They'll know how much you love them as well, I've written about you. You're an important part of their lives and I want them to know how much they meant to you even before they were born. They need to know these things."

"I agree, but Ciel, they already know that they're precious to us and-"

"I know,but if they can go back and read, maybe in times when things are difficult for them and they just need confirmation." Sebastian kissed Ciel's forehead lovingly.

"You're such a mother." He teased gently.

"It's your doing you know." Ciel leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his mate. "thank you." Sebastian tightened his grip slightly.

"We have given each other six wonderful gifts, and you have offered me much more than I deserve...My precious angel, even in the very beginning, asking for you to be my mate, I had no idea how truly amazing our life would be. I owe you so much more than mere gratitude. Thank you, my Ciel, for making my house a home, my life worth living,and filling my heart with so much love." After pulling away, Ciel opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a new stack of envelops, a red string bound them together.

"I've been writing these as well. Each time we added to our family, you were concerned and it bothered you that I wasn't feeling well. Some of them may surprise you, a lot of it you'll already know. I thought it would be good for you to see in my own words what I felt. I just-I wasn't sure if I'd actually give them to you, part of me was hoping you'd find them yourself one day."

"This means more to me than you know. I shall read them carefully."

"As you should. I really want you to understand. Go on now, while the little ones are asleep, you won't have much time during the day." Sebastian kissed Ciel once more, leaving him to finish with his letters. The older demon held his own letters close to his chest, making his way to the sitting room where he lowered himself into his favorite chair and began to delve deeper into his mate's words.

A/N: In honor of Sebastian and Ciel's wedding for those of you familiar with my Michaelis family series) which is April 17th, I thought I would offer this short story. To all of you still following the adventures of my little family, thank you for letting me share them with you and if you've been with me since the beginning I can't tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian took the top envelope in his hand, carefully opening it and removing the papers inside. He glanced at the corner of the page noticing the date.

"Not long after you became pregnant with our dear Evian, I can imagine the carefully selected words now." Sebastian thought out loud as he began to read.

 _Sebastian,_

 _By the time you're reading this, I would have told you about what happened today. While I'm sure both you and your mother will be thrilled, I am absolutely livid! You must have known that there was some possibility. You were born into this, you would've known something. I was unaware that this could be the result as I am by no means a girl. where I come from boys don't have this problem._

 _I'm so beyond angry with you I can't even tell you. I'm not meant to be a mother! Had I known, I never would have consented to your little trick. It hurts my heart, I trusted you._

 _The healer offered me a second option,I think you know what it is, he said most demons do it, they never tell their mates and it's like it never happened,they go one with their lives._

 _You know what's frustrating, as angry as I am with you, I love you too damn much to ever hurt you like child didn't ask to be here and it shouldn't suffer for a choice I made, however ill informed I may have been.. I could never hurt your child._

Sebastian paused, sighing,the demon Prince found it difficult to read. Especially the few words, the ink had been smudged.

"You were crying when you wrote this, weren't you my dear one?" Sebastian lightly touched the page, his heart breaking.

 _I couldn't give you my soul as we agreed on,I can give you this,I'm not the least bit happy about it,but you've given me so much and knowing how you're going to react,I don't think I've ever seem you genuinely happy, you had better be because I won't be doing this again. Sometimes I really want to hate you,I just can't do it, not after everything we've been through. Not after the talk we had that night when you told me that our contract was offered for my protect from the other one I didn't see. That you would've taken me away from there anyway. You mentioned that from the moment you saw me, you felt connected in a way you couldn't understand at the time you wanted to protect me. It's conversations like that that make it harder for me to deny you this small favor._

 _Why do you have to love me the way you do,I can't hate you when you're like that. The child I'm carrying, I know it doesn't make sense really, but I would die to protect ir,It was created from the love we have for each other and that's something I can't allow to be taken. The truth of it is...I'm terrified._

 _I know it doesn't seem like it, but you know by now that I'm good at masking my true feelings behind others. I don't hate the baby,Sebastian,I'm afraid of it. I hope in time you'll understand that._

 _I don't know how to tell you this. I don't really want to be a mother. The very thought fills my heart with mixed emotions. I want you to be happy,after everything I put you through and the pain I causedcaused, you deserve to have this. I hope you won't let my insecurities ruin it for you. I'll handle it in my own way and try to be okay with this for you._

 _I'm sorry I'm not even a half way decent mate for you. All this added pressure of learning your ways and then trying to cope with the child sharing my body, it's a lot to get through and I don't want to let you down anymore than I already have._

 _I wish you had taken my soul when you had the could've found someone better to have your child. Someone who wouldn't be upset,that could offer it what I can't. I'm sorry,Sebastian._

 _I'm not sure I can do this._

The former butler carefully folded the paper and put it back inside it's envelope. Ciel's letter had indeed surprised him. He would have to remember to talk to his mate about it when he was finished with his work. For the time being, he would pour himself a drink from his cabinet and settle in once more to see what else his love had to tell him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sebastian,_

 _Today I had the strangest dream,I found myself in a dark room,I had no idea where exactly,but I wasn't alone. I never actually saw them, but I heard the tiniest voice calling out to me._

 _The voice seemed so sad and I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt me. It told me it was afraid,I don't know what came over me, I just wanted to find where it was coming from and just wrap my arms around it. The feeling was so strong and yet somehow I knew it wasn't possible._

 _I couldn't help feeling guilty that I couldn't do anything to comfort it. I don't know how to describe the experience to you. The feelings that filled my heart,it was confusing and yet somehow amazing. It asked me to come back to visit,how could I refuse such a tiny voice, I felt like there was something connecting us._

 _When I woke up, I was almost..sad,I suppose would be a good way to say it. The feeling of leaving it alone in the dark,while it felt fear, it was a bit...familiar._

 _Being alone in any situation is difficult,but something that sounds so helpless and knowing it needs you to protect it,that's another thing entirely._

 _I know how it sounds. Even as I write this,I know I sound absolutely mad. I suppose this is one of those times when you really need to be there to understand. After all,it's my dream and I don't really understand it myself._

 _I know what you'll tell me, have a word with your mother,she's been through it before. I have to wonder,all the stress I've had lately, being emotionally and physically drained,the strange feelings and these dreams, am I going mad,Sebastian?_

 _And if it's true,if I am going out of my mind, how could you possibly love me?_

 _I often find myself thinking that the best solution is for me to have the child and walk away. It wouldn't be fair to expect either of you to subject yourselves to that. Maybe it's better for your child to have no mother at all. You could raise it and I wouldn't be a burden to you. But then I can't help thinking that this little one does deserve two parents to love and care for it. There must be someone who would be able to give you everything you need. I love you,but sometimes when you love someone,you have to be able to put them first._

 _Ps I know it's been months since I wrote this, I did end up talking to your mother about the dream. She called it linking. Apparently the reason I felt so all of that for the voice in the darkness is because I was actually talking to your child. I don't fully understand,but as you so often tell me, your mother would know. Things like that don't happen to , I guess you're right about another thing, demons are strange creatures. I've always thought it was only girls that could have children. Nothing has changed as far as my thoughts go,I just wanted you to know._

Sebastian held the letter to his chest.

"It's all part of becoming a mother,my love." He thought out loud. "You know better now'"

"Dad?" Rowan called, causing Sebastian to turn. The demonling moved closer to his father rubbing the tears from his eyes.

"What are you doing out of bed,son?" The older. demon held out to him.

"I woke up and...I'm hungry." Sebastian placed the letter down on the table and lifted Rowan into his arms.

"I see,I suppose there's only one thing to do about this, we shall have to get you a little snack,but then it's back to bed." Rowan rested his head on Sebastian 's shoulder.

"What were you doing?" Rowan asked.

"We'll talk about that another time, it's late and you need to sleep."

" can we talk about it tomorrow?'

"we will see. You never know what tomorrow may bring." Sebastian said,carrying Rowan into the kitchen and setting him down at the table where the child waited patiently for the snack,hoping to be carried back to bed after finishing itit,and being tucked in once again.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sebastian,_

 _Today was such a long day for me. Between feel ill, appointments and_ _seeing_ _your parents, I'm completely exhausted. As difficult as all of this has been for me and for you too as you're the one having to be around me all the time, there was a moment when everything was right. Today I let you tell your parents about the child. The tone in your voice, the joy I saw in you, in that moment, I knew I had made the right decision. I can't help but think how wonderful you'll be with the little one._

 _When I told you I wanted you to make the announcement, it was purely because I know how much it meant to you. To know how happy you are about all this..the truth is, despite whatever pain I may feel and the changes happening around me, my own fears, I felt genuinely happy. If I could have stopped time and captured that one moment to replay for the rest of my life, I would always want to see you like that._ _I know that might come as a surprise to you, but it's true._

 _I thought in this letter, I should let you know what that means to me. I know I'm not the easiest person to get on with, I never have been. But as I lie here tonight, I can't stop thinking about it. It was great to see your parents react to the news, but your reaction was by far my favorite. In a way, after seeing all that, I feel somewhat grateful for this child. I still have doubts of course, but if this tiny thing inside me has that much of an effect , how could I possibly deny you the joy?_ _I'll take all of this pain and illness if it means you will always feel that way._

 _Also, I think it's only fair to mention that as much as I fuss and complain about how ill I am, if I'm to be honest and because I feel in better spirits at the moment, when you come to me, gently rub my belly, stroke my hair and speak to me in such a loving tone, it makes all the difference. I don't deserve the kind of love you give me and I wouldn't blame you if after the baby is born you wanted nothing more to do with me because of how absolutely horrid I've been. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you. You deserve better. Just know that regardless of all that, I do love you. Actually, I've never loved anyone like this before you and all this is...I don't want to say new exactly, but I'm not sure of the word. After all, how long have you and I been together?_

 _I will say this, if I had to have a child with someone, I'm glad it was you. You've always had a way of making me feel loved and wanted. I haven't been the best mate for you and we haven't even officially bonded yet. Why do you have so much faith in me, Sebastian? You always say I'll be 'One hell of a mother' and 'The best mate' I want to be everything you wanted in an eternal partner,I just don't know how to be. Since I am in my current mood, and yes, I blame you for this. I've always appreciated that you go out of your way for me._

 _Everything you've done to protect me, to make my life what it is today, thank you._

 _On another note, I'd also like to mention that your brother's reaction to the gifts your father gave us today worries me. I know I shouldn't worry because I have you, but I'm afraid for the child. Jealousy makes people do terrible things and I can only imagine it being worse for demons. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to protect it, but I don't know that I could do that successfully. I don't have your strength. I trust you, I just feel like there's something very wrong with him, considering everything you've told me and my own experiences, it's not encouraging. Do you think the little one will be all right?_

 _I love you._

Sebastian sighed, looking up from the page just in time to catch sight of his mate crossing the doorway.

"Ciel dearest," He called out from his chair. The former earl paused.

"What?"

"come and join me?" The older demon requested. Ciel obliged, making his way into the room to stand in front of his mate. Sebastian reached out pulling Ciel into his arms.

"My most precious mate, I've come across an interesting read tonight. Would you like to have a look?" He handed the paper to Ciel and watched him scan the letter.

"You've started reading them already?"Sebastian nodded.

"I have. It's important to me that I understand what you went through. It was a difficult time in your life and to see your own words gives me some insight into your world. I've read others, but you were a bit..all over the place with this one, my love."

"I was pregnant, everything was all over the place, don't judge me." Sebastian chuckled softly.

"I wouldn't dream of it. As you've said, this one did in fact surprise me. You know better now of course, but when you mentioned how 'horrid' you were and how much you complained, it didn't happen as often as you think. As for your changing moods, well as you pointed out, being pregnant, especially for the first time and not knowing what to expect can be a frightening thing. You handled it very well and I am so proud of you. You are truly one hell of a mother and I am honored to call you my mate. I am happy to know that you did enjoy our little moments and I was able to provide some comfort to you. "Ciel leaned into the older demon, resting his head on his chest.

"Do you recall being able to sit by our fire and read together?" Sebastian continued.

"Yes, before Evian was born. We would lie on the couch together in the library, you would wrap your arm around me, running your fingers through my hair. It was peaceful." Ciel replied softly.

"Sometimes you and I would make ourselves comfortable under our blanket, lie there for hours and simply talk.." The demons sighed in unison.

"That's right, we actually talked didn't we?"

"We did. Tell me, what are your evening plans?" Sebastian inquired. Ciel shrugged.

"I was going to call Alois and bother him, I figured you'd go down to visit your father tonight."

"I see, and is he expecting a call?"

"No. I never told him I would, it was just something to do while you were away." A long silence followed in which the pair simply enjoyed the moment alone.

"how attached to the idea of making your call are you, darling?" Sebastian asked softly.

"He's here everyday just about, it's not urgent. Why, what are your plans?"

"Well, if all goes well, I'll be meeting someone very special in the library where I hope to spend a quiet evening."

"Is that right?"

"It is."

"Well, I suppose that sounds like a good way to spend the night."Ciel said casually.

"Yes...can I interest you in such an evening?" Ciel pulled away just enough to look into Sebastian's crimson eyes.

"Is that really the way you want to ask me for a date night," The former earl teased. "Where's the romance, what ever happened to-" Sebastian stood suddenly, lifting Ciel into his arms.

"What ever happened to sweeping you off your feet, is that what you mean, dearest?" Sebastian chuckled softly as the butler faded away to reveal the demon's true form. "As for the romantic side of things, it's only just beginning. I believe we still have a blanket in the library, we'll stop in the kitchen, I have a little surprise for you in there and with the little ones asleep and the staff to watch over them, we should have at least a few hours to ourselves. Will you join me for date night?"Ciel nodded.

"I'd like that." He said. "Do you want me to go and-"

"Certainly not, you're fine right where you are. Come my love, date night awaits."


	5. Chapter 5

Mentions Evian's birth, but nothing graphic, skipping this chapter should have no effect on the rest of the story if this is not of interest to you.

Sebastian pulled Ciel into his arms as the younger demon searched through the box of letters.

"It's going to be a bit out of order," Ciel said. "But I'd like us to read it together. There's several of them, but for tonight, this one is perfect."

"I can't full express how much I've learned thus far from your letters. I want you to know that I've been reading them carefully. Some of it I dare say has broken my heart, to know only what I saw you go through and to see into-"

"Well you won't have to worry about that with this one, you'll like this letter. It's one of my favorites. If you look at the date, you should understand why." Ciel settled back against Sebastian, removing the paper from the envelope and unfolding it. "Ready?"

Sebastian took hold of the side closest to him, immediately taking note of the first line.

"My dearest Sebastian," He read out loud, turning to look at Ciel,who was now smiling. "That's certainly a new greeting. I don't think you've ever called me that before."

"Special circumstances call for special greetings. Keep reading, you'll understand soon." Ciel promised. Sebastian kissed the top of his mate's head before continuing.

 _My Dearest Sebastian,_

 _I can't begin to describe to you how I'm feeling right now._

 _I have so many emotions filling my heart, So much..love._

 _Today, after twenty-three hours of the worst pain I'd ever felt in my entire life and that is saying something, Our little Evian is finally here and he is perfect._

 _The second I heard him cry, knowing he was all right and here with us, I just felt this..elation fill my heart. Your mother was right, the pain didn't matter in that moment._

 _I held him and it was the most amazing thing in the world. He looked up at me with his beautiful red eyes and everything was right in my world. I knew only that I love our son more than my own life. Until today, I didn't know it was possible to love anyone or anything this much. How can something so perfect come from things like us?_

 _Now, hours later, I look over and see him sleeping in his cradle and think how fortunate you and I are. Evian is health and happy, and I couldn't ask for anything more than that._

 _I couldn't have done this without you, Sebastian. If you weren't so calm through it all, all these months..if you weren't as loving and gentle with me as you are..I don't think I could've done it. You've been my strength through everything._

 _When I gave him to you, I could see the exact moment he melted your heart. I saw in you the same happiness that you showed when telling your family about him and more. For that alone, all of this was worth it. You kissed his head and snuggled him, I could only think how amazing you are with him. I'm truly glad I didn't consider the alternative. I love you both so much, I just can't say it enough._

 _I could go on forever just trying to give you all the words I have right now, for you, for our little one..Unfortunately, I'm absolutely exhausted and I haven't got much strength left, I can actually feel it draining from my body as I write. We'll have to remember to thank your mother as well._

 _As tired ans weak as I am right now, I can say this, I've never been this truly happy and I have you and our precious little Evian to thank for that._

Sebastian folded the paper, placing it into the envelope and back into the box. Ciel sat up, turning to face his mate.

"Where do I begin with this one?" The older demon asked, taking both of Ciel's hands in his own.

"Wherever you want, I suppose."

"The fact that in your condition, you chose to write this beautiful letter to me speaks volumes. I remember how difficult the birth was for you and to have had those complications and still take the time to tell me what we mean to you, to share this with me-my precious Ciel, I cannot tell you how much that means to me...even if it was written under the influence of strong pain medication." Sebastian teased.

"It was not...at least not entirely." Ciel countered. Sebastian chuckled. "Your mother said it's more to do with the changes.. In all fairness, I can see why you'd say that."

"Mama?"Evian called from the doorway, catching his parents' attention. The demonling entered slowly, Mama Bunny held close to his chest. "Are you and Dad having all by yourself time?"

"We were, what do you need?" Ciel reached out, inviting the child to climb onto the sofa between his parents.

"I had a silly dream and now I am hungry." Evian explained, leaning into his mother.

"A silly dream, you say," Sebastian pressed gently.

"Yes. Mama went to the store and came home with a new baby, but at night time, it was not a baby, it was a bird, it had big feet and claws and wings. It bit us and then we were all birds and then it took Mama Bunny and flew away and I could not find him!"

"Well," Sebastian began. "That is a silly dream. We shall have to forbid your mother from shopping. Ciel, I don't think it's a good idea to visit the baby store anytime soon. My parents simply would not approve of us transforming into birds with 'big feet'" Sebastian said. Ciel looked at him pointedly.

"Because you don't change into-"

"I, dearest do not have big feet, therefore, I couldn't possibly-"

"Keep telling yourself that."Ciel said. Evian giggled.

"Mama and Dad, you are so funny. You make me happy, Mama Bunny is happy too. Can we please eat, my tummy wants yummy things."Ciel stood from his seat.

"Come on Evian, let's get you something to eat, then it's back to bed." The former earl lifted the demonling into his arms, taking a step toward the door, only to find himself in his Mate's arms.

"This is how you carried my Mama when he was not like us." Evian stated.

"That's right, my son. I did so as a butler in those days, your dear mother had quite a talent for getting himself into trouble you see, so I kept him close so I could watch over him." Evian tilted his head slightly, looking up at the shadow figure.

"But that was not the only reason." He said. "You carried Mama because you wanted him to feel safe and because you love him lots. Mama let you because he was not afraid with liked it when you were there. Mama is big now, but he still likes to have up with you. Mama loves you,Dad."

"Does he?"Evian nodded, leaning back to rest his head on his mother's chest.

"Yes. Sometimes he is very sad at you, but he always loves you and his babies. Even if we are all birds with big feet."

"You won't need to worry about that. I've heard of no such bird that possesses such an ability. But you're correct in your statement. Your mother will always love you, no matter what. You children are very precious to us both."Soon, the trio found themselves in the kitchen, seated at the table. Ciel filled his son's feeding glass and offered it to the boy.

"Thank you, Mama. You are the very best Mama." Evian praised, taking a sip from the glass. Ciel simply smiled at the boy. He thought of the letter and how much his first born had grown. _Slow down, Evian, you're growing too fast._ He thought to himself. Sebastian wrapped an arm around him, resting his head Ciel's shoulder. They had always known Evian would change their lives, not only had the boy changed everything, but he had also offered his mother something Ciel never thought possible, true happiness.


End file.
